Connected

How is it that when I’m thinking of you yet least expecting you, you show up? How is it that you can always appear before me when I need you the most? How is any of this fair?

I feel so vulnerable when I’m with you and it terrifies me in the most exciting way.

I haven’t felt my heart beat this nervously in such a long time and I just need to keep reminding myself that this is all temporary. I can’t get attached and as much as I wish you would, I know you’re doing the same thing.

Attachment can only lead to pain and we can only go downhill from here.

No one ever warned me about you

No one ever warns you how complicated love and relationships can get.

No one tells you about the pain that stabs my heart when I see you with other girls who don’t understand your sweet and gentle soul.

No one says anything about how sad the truth is that you’re not mine & I can’t be yours.

No one talks about how much it hurts to want to be held by you but never being able to have that want fulfilled.

It’s a pain I know I will eventually be numb to but it’s a reality that will take some time to sink in. Am I truly satisfied or am I just resigning? Do I even deserve happiness if this is how I am going to be?

No one ever talks about how difficult love can get until you realize you don’t know what love really is.

No one ever told me I would find you.

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Dizzy

Everything I do lately makes me feel dizzy. Part of me wants to play it off as “oh, it’s just that end of semester rush” but another part of me just wants to throw up.

Grad school can really make a girl sick in more ways than one and I don’t know if I can handle feeling dizzy for another year. I close my eyes and take my deep breaths in order to calm my spinning head.

I’m so tired of feeling dizzy and I’m so tired of feeling tied down. I have commitment issues and just reflecting about everything I’m trying to work with doesn’t really bring me any peace.

I’m dizzy and I don’t think I’m going to stop spinning around anytime soon. If someone can stop me, that’d be great because I think I’m going to drop soon.