A letter to my high school self

Stop looking for a connection that just isn’t there.

Wash your face, drink more water, and moisturize more often, you’ll feel amazing.

Love yourself more. 

Stop trying to earn his approval, he’s a drunk right now. Not your dad.

Hug mom, she’s strong but everything is weighing her down right now.

Tell her the truth, she’s your sister and she loves you. She deserves to know.

Don’t open the door when he knocks in the middle of the night. Nothing good ever happens. 

Breakup with him in person, not text. He deserves better than that.

Don’t send those pictures, he doesn’t deserve to see that side of you. But if you do send them, thank Maria for stopping you from spiraling. 

Just study more, run often, and don’t seclude yourself. Open up, you have great friends who want to help. Your teachers are there for you too, you have amazing people in your life that outweigh the bad ones, love them fiercely and let them know.

You’ll miss them all when you leave six hours away so tell them how impactful they have been and keep in touch.

Keep love in your life, don’t wait too long. 

I love you.

One of the good days

IMG_1390.JPGToday was one of the better days I’ve had in awhile.

I didn’t have any overwhelming fear-fueled overthinking moments.

I lived in the moments, let my readings inspire me all over again, & noticed the beauty of the world around me.

I contemplated my past and considered my future but it all felt peaceful while doing so.

There aren’t many days where I can think and not feel terrified or nervous or even nauseous so today was definitely one of the good days.

I’d like to keep it that way.

Sometimes I have a lot of doubt

Sometimes I have doubts about us

Are we still in love or are we just

comfortable?

Is this a forever commitment or are we just

comfortable? 

I’ve never been with someone for so long and it

terrifies me

But every time you walk into the room and smile at me

I melt

We laugh about things that I can’t see myself laughing about with anyone else

We say “I love you” daily and actually mean it

Sometimes fear and doubt crawl into my head about what would life be like if I just

ran away and started new

But my heart knows that life would be

dull and bleak

without you

sometimes I have doubts about us

but never for long and never for real.

 

First post

I’m just an amateur trying to live in these trying times. I have trouble sleeping because my brain does not stop once my head hits the pillow so I think of things that I want to share but I’m too afraid to share with people I know in real life. My shared thoughts will, for the most part, be unfiltered and only slightly modified to suit my mood at the time. Here’s hoping I’ll get better…stick around to find out!

Enter the forest that is my mind (don’t worry, you don’t need bug spray).

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