Some Nights

I put my watch to charge, my rings in their box.

Wash my teeth then wash, tone, and moisturize my face -extra vitamin E on the dry patches underneath one of my eyes-

I get in bed, toss and turn until I’m comfortable and for a moment I am…until the silence becomes uncomfortable.

That’s when they begin.

Will I get that position? 

Am I going to find housing? 

Can I even afford housing? 

What if I can’t do long distance? 

What if he can’t do long distance? Will the cats have to split up too? 

Will he resent me? 

All these uncertainties swirling inside me. Answers that are taking too long. Frustration that only continues to build up.

Patience. 

Patience, you whisper to me. Be patient, allow yourself to feel, b r e a t h e. You’re alive and you’ve come so far, nothing will stop you now. Trust in yourself and be patient. 

Like a warm blanket, you hug me and the tears I hadn’t realized were threatening to fall begin pouring out as if a dam had just collapsed from inside of me. Slowly, and with the help of gentle back rubs, my nerves calm themselves.

You kiss my eyelids and your lips are the last thing I have on my mind before finally drifting off to sleep. 

babies

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